Wax Mundanely

Barney Tupac

2007-07-13T10:16:00.001-05:00

Barney suddenly got a whole lot cooler.

2007-07-13T09:06:00.000-05:00

Friday Random Thoughts...

1. Why does a 24/7 operation like Waffle House have locks on their doors?
2. Why do drive through ATM machines have braille instructions?
3. Why does Taco Bell take credit cards? Do tacos need extended finance terms?
4. What is martinizing and why does it only take one hour?
5. Why do people have problems paying $3/gallon for gasoline at the BP station but don't think twice about paying $32/gallon for lattes at Starbucks?

Discuss...

2007-06-06T11:25:00.000-05:00

Oh Hell....It's Odell

Odell Thurman is in trouble again. After a string of DUI's and drug related run ins with the law cost him a time out with the NFL, he's decided to add a spot of (alleged) violence to his list of "things to do on my NFL vacation".

Sad...I hope he turns it around and gets his life back together. He was a great player at UGA and the Bungles certainly are better with him.

Read about it here.

2007-06-05T13:30:00.001-05:00

Don't Ever Ask For Directions In St. Pete

I do a lot of traveling for my day job (I am currently unemployed in my "real" career as an international celebrity, so for now, being a corporate salesman pays the bills). Recently I was on a trip to Florida to see some business partners in Tampa and Clearwater. Now, if you are not familiar with the layout of the Tampa/St. Pete area, there is basically this huge bay with Tampa on one side and St. Petersburg, Clearwater, Bradenton, etc.. on the other. A series of bridges and causeways extend from Tampa to get you from one side to the other.

After landing at Tampa International and renting a car that I believe required a 32:1 gas to oil mixture and a pull start, we headed towards the Courtney Campbell causeway to Clearwater. Construction, rush hour traffic and poor highway markings conspired to divert us to I-275 to St. Petersburg instead. Now, I have a vague understanding of the lay of the land (and water) and figure that there must be some sort of way to cut over to Clearwater before we reach St. Pete. If my theory holds true, we should save a little time over doubling back to Tampa to start from scratch.

Again, less than clear highway markings prevent us from finding a way to Clearwater prior to hitting St. Pete. (the issue is that the signs tell you simply what the highway is and not where it leads).

So against every facet of my male DNA, I stop for directions at the first open business I find... a Subway Restaurant. Inside, I discover a cast of characters that one would normally find in a John Kennedy Toole novel.

Let's meet the cast of characters...

Me
Subway Worker #1
Subway Worker #2
Soccer Mom
Rugrat #1
Rugrat #2

Me: Hi, can anyone tell me how I can get to the Courtney Campbell causeway from here? I need to get to Clearwater.

Subway Worker #1: Um...well....um, you might.....hmmm....let's see...

Subway Worker #2: I make sammiches!

Subway Worker #1: Yeah, I think that you....um....well...I don't really know. I just moved here. You might want to ask him (points to Subway Worker #2).

Subway Worker #2: I make sammiches!

Me: (sigh) Excuse me, ma'am (addressing Soccer Mom) do you know the best way to get to Clearwater?

Soccer Mom: (to Rugrat #1) Honey, how did we go that time?

Rugrat #1: It was that weird way.

Rugrat #2: (picks nose)

Soccer Mom: Oh, yeah. There's really not a good way to get there.

Rugrat #2: (wipes booger on shorts)

Me: Can any of you just give me a way to get there? Any way to get there? It doesn't have to be the best way.

Subway Worker #2: I make sammiches!

Me: (sigh) Is there a gas station around here?

Subway Worker #1: Oh, yes there is one. But you don't want to ask him. He's not as familiar with the area as we are.

Subway Worker #2: I make sammiches!

At this point I gave up and immediately left what had to have been the ground zero of idiocy.

2007-02-22T10:12:00.000-05:00

Who In Their Right Mind Would Send 363 Tons Of Cash To A War Zone?!?!

Why, the U.S. government of course. On Tuesday February 6th, the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform looked into the fact that we may have just given away $8.8 billion without any financial audit controls.

Evidently, we packed up $12 billion in mostly $100 bills (that's right....cash) onto pallets and loaded them up bound for Iraq in C-130 cargo planes. Allow me to shed a little light on what that means: 281 million individual bills (including over $107 million $100 bills) weighing more than 363 tons. 363 tons of money!!!!!! That is a ridiculous amount for me to to comprehend. Now, an audit of the financial dispersement seems to have come up about $8.8 billion short. We can't really explain what happened to $8.8 billion dollars?!?!?

It's all about the Benjamins baby!

To put this in perspective, imagine your annual take home pay. Now imagine that you can't seem to remember where 73% of that money went. Even crackheads can tell you, "oh yeah, I think I spent that on crack". Former Iraq rebuilding exec. L. Paul Bremer on the other hand, seems to think that this is all a big ado about nothing.

So we paid a bunch of Iraqis in cash and never bothered to get a receipt. What's the big deal? Trust me. Everything is fine.

So how how exactly did some of this go down? Well, my suspicion is that the policy created for funds dispersement was inspired by watching "Miami Vice" reruns. Check out the excerpt from this House memo:

"One contractor received a $2 million payment in a duffel bag stuffed with shrink-wrapped bundles of currency. Auditors discovered that the key to a vault was kept in an unsecured backpack. They also found that $774,300 in cash had been stolen from one division's vault. Cash payments were made from the back of a pickup truck, and cash was stored in unguarded sacks in Iraqi ministry offices. One official was given $6.75 million in cash, and was ordered to spend it in one week before the interim Iraqi government took control of Iraqi funds."

Now I know that some of you believe that I might be making this up, so please read the hearing testimony here. It's good stuff.

oh yeah...and by the way, the president wants another $99.6 billion for the war. (I think that we might need bigger some planes for that)

2007-02-19T14:12:00.000-05:00

Clemson Jokes Never Get Old...

2007-01-30T14:08:00.001-05:00

Warning...this is catchy. For some reason, not only will this rap be stuck in your head all day but you will have an inexplicable urge to buy furniture.

2007-01-22T09:26:00.000-05:00

Homeless Men Sued for $1 Million Dollars

A New York business owner has decided to file a lawsuit against three homeless men and one woman.

"Karl Kemp, owner of the posh Karl Kemp & Associates Antiques, Ltd. on Madison Avenue, sued three men and a woman for $1 million earlier this month, alleging they scare away customers when they drink alcohol, urinate and warm themselves above a heating duct in front of his shop." -- Reuters

I am certain that Karl has a legitimate beef here, but what does he think that a $1M lawsuit is going to achieve? Um...hey Karl, if these guys had a million bucks, they probably would not be HOMELESS.

Do ya' think he's got a million bucks in that bag?

(On the other hand, their behavior is similar to mine in college so I really can't throw stones)

2007-01-03T13:56:00.000-05:00

Coming this summer from Disney..."Sabanocchio"

"I guess I have to say it. I'm not going to be the Alabama coach. ... "

2007-01-03T13:54:00.000-05:00

Sorry...I have taken a little break from posting and a lot has happened.

I am going to try and catch up...

2006-12-15T11:32:00.000-05:00

Phil Fulmer Prepares for the Outback Bowl

Am I the only one that thinks that the Vols are going to the most appropriately named bowl?

Anyway...here are some inside pics as Phil prepares his team.

“Whatever Cutcliffe. You get a bite when you pry this bloomin’ onion from my cold dead fat fingers.”

“Have you guys tried these ‘Kookaburra Wings’ that they got? These things are gooood!”

“Hey Outback! I said that I wanted a pile of cheese fries up to here! I’m serious. Don’t quit on me now, keep ‘em coming.”

2006-12-06T14:16:00.000-05:00

Motivational Posters Irritate Me

It's time for a little bit of a rant this week...

I find motivational posters (and thus the people who buy, display and follow them) stupid and irritating. You know the ones that I am talking about. There is usually some word in large type like "SUCCESS', "TEAMWORK", or "EFFORT" followed by some uber-cheesy tagline and a sugary picture of a sunset or some such crap.

GOALS: There is no greater force than the force of a man determined.
[editor's note: feel free to puke now]

I admit that I am a bit of a cynic, but c'mon. If this is what you need to help you get through life, you are probably the type of person who thinks Michael Bolton is a "rock star", Outback Steakhouse is "fine dining", Desperate Housewives is "gritty", Jeff Foxworthy is "edgy", and that Kelly Ripa gal is just "so darned sassy".

The fine people at Despair, Inc have created an entire parody empire that (some 5 years after first discovering them) still continue to inspire me infinitely more that their counterparts that they are ridiculing.

So here I have decided to post some of my own creations for you to enjoy!

2006-12-04T10:23:00.000-05:00

It's official...

2006-11-17T13:52:00.000-05:00

Bo Schembechler R.I.P.
(April 1, 1929 - November 17, 2006)

Coaching legend Bo Schembechler collapsed and died of a heart attack on Friday while taping his weekly college football show.

He was truly a coaching legend and will be missed.

2006-11-17T11:44:00.000-05:00

Rivals Reports Caleb King Commits to UGA

Tailback U continues for the Dogs...

I always had the fear that Mark Richt would get away from the strong running tradition that UGA has enjoyed for the past eon in favor of living and dying by the heavy air attack. My fears seem to be once again completely irrational.

I'm sure last week's victory on the plains helped land this guy.

So things continue to come together for a good run in 2008 at a NC!! Excitement abounds.

In other news, "click clack" was the last sound Tommy Tubberville heard as the prospect of stealing another Peach state recruit walked away.

2006-11-16T11:30:00.000-05:00

UGA Bowl Possibility?

With a win over Georgia Tech, it seems like UGA might get a chance to go to the Eat-Mor-Chikin Bowl in Atlanta...aka Chick-Fil-A Bowl...aka the bowl formerly known as the Peach Bowl.

Why I am worried: Georgia/Georgia Tech is a rivalry game that is traditionally a tight game. Tech has some decent talent and is heading to the ACC title game (not a bad season for them).

Why I am not worried: It's Tech...their 7-0 performance over UNC didn't do too much to impress.

Finishing strong and going to the Eat-Mor-Chikin Bowl would go a long way towards salvaging a somewhat disappointing season.

Go Dawgs! Wreck Tech!

2006-11-13T12:39:00.000-05:00

Georgia 37 Auburn 15

UGA pushes on through towards the end of their disappointing season by dropping the hammer on Auburn 37 to 15. Many blogs and message boards are spreading praise on just about every aspect of the win. All of which deservedly so. Matt Stafford looked great. The defense played great (with the exception of an Auburn late 2nd qtr scoring drive). Tra Battle had 3 picks. Etc...

In my opinion however, there are two really big reasons for our success on Saturday. Two things that make you thing about what might have been this season:

(they are really pretty simple too)

1) We caught the ball and
2) a very banged up O-line played their hearts out.

Amazing what happens when you just catch the ball...

Much has been made this season about the defense falling apart in the 2nd half of the season and turnovers by a freshman QB. To be sure, the D has had some miscues, but we've still been in a position to win every ballgame. As for Stafford's interceptions, if we could have caught the ball more consistently, then there wouldn't have been so much pressure for such a young QB to try and make something happen that wasn't there.

As for the O-line...you can't really blame them for their struggles this year due to the injuries and lack of depth that they have had to contend with. But Saturday they showed just how to hunker down get the job done. Kudos.

Without looking back at what might have been, the Bulldog Nation is now best served by looking forward at what we can still accomplish. Let's beat Tech, let's finish strong, and let's go bowling (I'd love to see a UGA/Clemson match up in the Eat Mor Chikin bowl).

2006-11-10T14:53:00.000-05:00

Rutgers upsets Louisville...BCS computers explode

The mighty Scarlet Knights have upset Louisville to throw the BCS into turmoil. Water coolers everywhere are crowded to capacity.

2006-11-09T11:48:00.000-05:00

George Bush, a man of his word...

Nov. 1, 2006
Q: Assuming their health holds up, do you want Vice President Cheney and Defense Secretary Rumsfeld to be with you until the end?

Bush: Both those men are doing fantastic jobs. And I strongly support them.

Nov. 8, 2006
Bush: Secretary Rumsfeld and I agreed that sometimes it's necessary to have a fresh perspective.

In other words...Rummy got the Presidential dump treatment.

2006-11-03T17:40:00.000-05:00

Thoughts on the BCS...

It's that time of year again. No, I'm not talking about the time change or something sissy like autumn's changing of the leaves. I am talking about college football in all it's glory, the buzz of bowl season and the evil BCS. If you are unfamiliar with the BCS or do not consider college football something akin to a religion, then stop reading right here and go on with your day. This posting will hold no interest for you. On the other hand, you think fall weddings should be illegal, then settle in and fasten your seatbelt.

I am going to assume that we are like minded and think that the BCS is an appendix waiting to rupture. It's usefulness is suspect and can cause a lot of pain. I won't waste time trying to justify everything that's wrong with it or try to debate what's right with it. I will keep this posting short and go directly to my thoughts on some of the most glaring issues (as I see them).

I am not in favor of scrapping the entire BCS ranking system. I think that there is a place for it. However, in and of itself, it shouldn't be the be all and end all of determining the national champ. Overall, I think we need some realignment in D-1A ball and a better system in determining the champ.

1) Problem: teams that are in conferences that have a championship game are at a disadvantage. They have to play one more quality game and it's harder to get through undefeated. The fix: require every D-1A conference to have 12 teams and hold a conference championship game.

This is a two step process. First, no more independents (yes, this includes you Notre Dame). All independents join a league to participate in NCAA D-1A football events. Second, merge some of the smaller conferences and re-align a couple of schools. To fill in a couple of gaps that still remain, promote a couple D-1AA schools. Let's face it, there are a bunch of these schools that already regularly schedule D-1A teams and play them pretty competitively.

Now I now that this is easier said than done. What I was able to sketch out in a about 30 minutes (which I will post later on), gets muddy when faced with contracts, dissolution of conference organizations and the notion of tradition.

2) Problem: With the prospect of multiple unbeaten teams and no playoff process, there exists the problem of no clear cut winner settled on the field. Fix: Play a "plus one"

Let's think about this rationally for a sec. The BCS controversy is usually limited to disputes between the top 4 or 5 teams. Few people argue that the number 9 team has a claim to a share of the title (admittedly, there are some who do, but not many). So in this case, the BCS does a pretty good job. It can accurately put the better teams towards the top and the weaker teams towards the bottom. The 1 through 10 rankings based on the current BCS criteria are a pretty good place to start as a rough draft if you will.

Here's what needs to happen: Take the top 8 teams and put them in the BCS bowls. Take the winners of the top two bowls and have them play one extra game to determine final overall champ. This essentially places the top 4 teams in a playoff scenario. The champ is decided on the field. If you are the #5 team that gets left out one of the two bowls, do really have that strong of a claim to the championship?

The up side of the "plus one" game is that it is only one more game. No great impact to extending the season and gives another premier bowl game for big $$.

Let these two thoughts marinate for a while and I'll come back later to elaborate some more.

2006-11-01T10:10:00.000-05:00

Satan's Little Beggars

Last night was Halloween. Or as I like to call it, the night of Satan's little beggars. Now, I don't have a problem with some of the older kids trying to get a little more free candy for another year. But c'mon, at least make a freaking effort.

This one kid comes to my door last night who looked about 14 years old. His costume was a flannel shirt (he later claimed to be dressed as a farmer...either a pretty lame costume or a pretty lame smart ass answer). When I open up, he says (and I'm crapping you negative), "whazzup dude?" Are you kidding me?!? Whazzup dude?!? That's the best you got? So I explain to him the procedure. You say trick or treat, and then I give you candy. That's how it works pal. His reply? Another gem. He says, "c'mon dude...candy", and then he tries to stare me down. So then I just reluctantly wind up giving him the candy. Not because he wants me to and has this really freaky Damian-like stare, but because I was about one more "dude" away from beating this little bastard down (an event that I am sure my neighbors would take a rather dim view of).

The point is this, there are some situations in life where you just have to go through the motions to make everybody happy. You say trick or treat, and then you get candy. End of transaction. I know what you are thinking. The kid got the candy anyway. Maybe so this time, but if my neighbors weren't looking, this thing would have gone the other way.

2006-10-31T15:20:00.000-05:00

When Bikers Attack

Ok, so my friend Chris has apparently committed some cardinal sin in the motorcycle community. For his crime, he has been berated by email and in online message boards. That's right, there are biker online message boards!

That's right...we blog. You got a problem with that?!?

Here's the story, he loves to ride (a lot) and has ridden a few of these long distance rides where you just go a really long way for a really long time. I know, you'd think there's more to it than that, but there isn't. He's gone from South Carolina to Texas and back (1000 miles in 24 hours), and from South Carolina to Michigan and back (1500 miles in 30 hours). He didn't "officially" log the Michigan trip, but for the Texas trip, he got a patch, a sticker or some such crap from the "Iron Butt Association". Evidently, there are some international clubs devoted to nothing more than riding a really long way, and from what I understand, the IBA is one of the best known. If you want to read up on them, they are at ironbutt.com (I know what you are thinking, but despite the name, it's not going to link you to some weird site that features prison rape pictures).

The grand daddy of IBA rides is the "Iron Butt Rally", an 11,000 miles in 11 days odyssey. So my buddy is all excited about trying to get into this thing. The problem is, he's about 6' 8" and has a very well worn BMW r1100. Before he attempts such a feat he wants a brand spankin' new r1200gs adv. (r1100, r1200, I don't understand your industry jargon...but 1200 is a bigger number than 1100, so I guess it's better). This new bike that he wants is supposed to be more comfortable for his tall frame, but he doesn't have the cash for it right now. His wife is a stay at home mom and is pregnant with their 2nd child, so all his take home pay stays there...at home.

With a little nudging from yours truly here, he thought it a good idea to post a sponsorship request on ebay asking for some company to buy this motorcycle for him in exchange for something like, logo placement on the gas tank. Heck...goldenpalace.com buys all kinds of weird crap all the time (Virgin Mary grilled cheese, live child births, etc...), so he (admittedly, we) thought that there might be a remote chance that this would work. Now it is important to clarify that even though he thought that he had a shot at pulling this off, this was done largely as a joke (we do stupid s*** all the time for no reason, so didn't think twice about this). Last Friday, he started the auction...and over the week-end...well crap...the roof caved in.

"Hey, what does the red button do again? Dunno, Jericho...press it and find out."

This brings me to the real point of the story: To date, Chris has received thousands (not hundreds, but thousands) of angry emails. He is the subject of multiple discussion threads on biker message boards. You would think that he got caught inappropriately touching a moped during bike week. I've read several of the posts and near as I can figure out, he did 2 things wrong: 1) He didn't fully read the IBA bylaws that declare sponsorship a no-no and 2) Asking someone to buy you a bike is a douche bag thing to do. I'll address both...

#1 - To the IBA: I'm not a biker and don't pretend to understand the rules of the IBA. It's your organization and you can run it however you'd like. But in the grand scheme of things, what's the big deal here? So IBA says "no sponsorship" and "you didn't read the rules". Ok fine, Chris apologized and altered his ad to remove any reference to any governing body. For that misunderstanding, he is truly sorry. He really didn't read the rules and he feels pretty bad that he angered an organization that he is working hard to be a part of. Can ya' forgive him? Please? It's kinda sad watching a 6' 8" guy mope around.

#2 - To people on the message boards: Get a f***ing life.

What made me laugh is that these guys started making up stories about him. "He is unemployed", "he goes off and rides for weeks at a time, leaving his poor wife at home alone", "he's never ridden a motorcycle before in his life", or "he blows goats". All of which are false (except maybe the goat thing...I don't really know).

It is laughable that all the these message board people are making threats like, "he'll never be given the chance to distance ride". Guess what "born_to_be_mild69", all he has to do to distance ride is to crank up and go. Remember, he's already done that on the Michigan trip. He didn't register the ride and get the t-shirt, but he still did it. He can still go out and ride 11k in 11 days and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. I know that he would someday like to get back into IBA's good graces and get their recognition, but if not, it's still a goal he will accomplish. It's like this, 2 guys scale to the top of Mt Everest. One is in a mountain climbing club and one isn't. Guess what! They BOTH can claim that they summited.

This situation could have gone two ways. One way was to say, "hey man, we don't think it's real cool what you did, but we seem to have similar interests, so if you say you are sorry, we'd like to ride with you sometime". The other way (and the path that was chosen) was to say, "get that douche bag-tool-poser to our on-line forum so we can flame him openly on our board". I say, that's a real douche bag-tool thing to do, and you should be ashamed.

Here's the deal as I see it: The IBA has a right to be pissed because he mentioned their organization and violated their rules in the same breath..shame on you Chris.

The rest of the message board guys are douche bag tools because they swarmed on a guy who honestly didn't know any better, and had the best of intentions.

So why am I commenting on something that doesn't directly involve me? In the south you might say that "I don't have a dog in this fight". But, I do. You see, I'm not a motorcycle enthusiast. I'm not a long distance rider. Heck, I'm the guy that has never even ridden a motorcycle. However, I am the guy that sticks up for the guy that gets sucker punched all over the internet. I hate internet bullies.

I kinda picture these guys as mid life crisis pre-geriatrics who get diaper rash from their depends after long distance rides. With nothing more to do since retirement, they post snide remarks on message boards trying feel important.

Well, this is my house...please post nasty comments so I can make fun of you.